her pretense

They got married.

She’s a small town girl, from somewhere in the south would be my guess.   Why?   She has that “look” on her face,   I’m from Texas, I know that look.   It’s a combination of naivete and a school girl dream of love that’s eternal and effortless.   This love, she thinks, supersedes bills, debts, immaturity….and combats all negatives.    He’s looks as though he’s just going along for the ride.

They fell in love in high school.   They commemorated their coupledom by securing  a cheap photo session paid for by a week’s worth of her salary as a Dairy Queen counter server.

She could dip a mean vanilla cone, from what I understand.

His cowboy hat, the cheesy forest scene backdrop they chose, along with her XXL Reba designed shirt with sequins and clownish make-up make me think “they’re Rednecks”.  Probably decent people, but rednecks just the same.

They got married right out of high school….if not before….and she learned she was pregnant immediately.      He joined the military, perhaps out of  a sense of duty, perhaps because he lacked ambition.      Either way, college was not an option for either, for whatever reason.    But he joined before they got married.   Perhaps he was a year older,  perhaps he didn’t finish high school,  I don’t know.   But he signed up for military service  AND marriage as a very young man.

He went to basic training and she went with him.   Pregnant, young, homesick. She eventually  had her  baby.    So there she was, a young mother…the smell of her HS science  class benson burner still fresh in her memory.    She was in a new state and city,  filled with unknowns,  limited by military rules and regs.    She had that, plus TV, and she could shop at the PX and buy cheap junk food.   And in between eating Twinkie’s , watching reruns of “Friends”  and tending to a crying baby, she probably felt very lonely.   Her husband’s low rank kept him busy.  He was rarely ever at their  dismal home…base housing, which was cramped, dated, ugly and haunted with bad memories of the same miserable women who’d lived there before,

But this was her reality.    She was either a simpleton and knew no better or perhaps, it was worth the sacrifice of doing with out lovely things and creature comforts,.  She was and still is proud of her husband rank and file US military existence.    Or, she was intensely miserable.   The lives of enlisted men, especially very young  married ones, are complicated.   That trickles down to his wife and kids.    Maturity and the lack there of, is often a big problem.  I’ve known women who married enlisted men and lived to regret it.   .They said it felt like a prison.  Few had formal educations and found themselves trapped in quite hapless situations.  That is, until they broke free.  For some, that involved marrying up.     For others, that meant forging ahead in business or going to college and making names for themselves.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand.  She gave birth to a daughter.   To hear her talk, the child is a saint, beatified in utero and her husband, who mysteriously died, did so as a full bird Colonel.

He was an enlisted man, no more, no less.     Details as to how he died are never disclosed, but it wasn’t in combat.  But she insists he died while on active duty.  And she brings it up constantly  when and if her husband’s name  is ever mentioned. and in  her case, she brings him up relentlessly.    That’s HER badge of honor.

I don’t know this woman, never met her, but I kind of know her, in a way and truth is, I don’t care for her.   I just don’t.  Couldn’t if I tried.    Her narcissism is renown,   She has an incredible belief in her own self importance and it’s so ridiculously obvious.  She feels her PR  job at  a very small, little known agency  will someday win her a  Nobel Prize.  For what, I don’t know.   Is being delusional a prize category?

Not only that, she’s  one of those mother’s who have  forced her entire belief  and value system on her daughter, not giving her the room to form her own opinions.

Some children are Indigo Children.   They were born with an exceptional knowledge and and an inexplicable precocity.   These children grow up with empathy, tremendous creativity , an amazing sense of virtue, fair play and kindness.  Indigo is just a color designation for their spirituality.   This normal child was born pink and crying.   The mom would insist to whoever would listen that her ‘exceptional’ child has all these traits and more…. that the child is beyond special and is as indigo as they come.

She wasn’t.    But that didn’t stop this woman.   She tried to make perfect, a very normal child.   She instilled in her, her textbook values.   The ones she read about to free her from a life of seemingly bad choices.    The mom  had no formal education but was/is  well read, though pretentious about her book choices,  telling everyone about her current “cannot-put-down” hardcovers, such Finnegan’s Rainrbow….in Swahili.      I admire her desire to educate herself, through literature, but……uh……..shut up about it.

I also respect her desire to instill a sense of civic duty and humanity in her child but there are right ways and wrong ways  to do this.     She had this kid as a toddler blithely raising money for disaster  relief.   She made her skip soccer games as birthday parties  to attend rallies protesting or supporting the agenda du jour.  the daughter  was forced to sacrifice her Saturday’s, no playing with friends, no watching cartoons  in order to protest some entity for some cause she’d just read about.   The child was instead was brought to hot warehouses   to help prep care packages to send to troops…….now, don’t get me wrong, these are all wonderfully admirable  things.   But a five year old doesn’t understand anything other than she’s putting cookies and candy  in boxes and sending them to someone else,  somewhere else.     But this woman tells her daughter to smile while packing.   Her lines are rehearsed if any questions are asked.   You see, it looks good for a mom like this, to have a daughter like that.   One with a very precocious civic  consciousness.  That’s  something a mom like this woman needs.   She needs the comments, too.

“What a good mom you are.”

“My, have you raised  the perfect child. “

”A remarkable Mother, a remarkable daughter.”

It’s like some skewed Munchaussen disorder for overly ambitious, pretentious mothers.

But this mom is like many others who never lived up to their potential in life,  despite their over inflated egos.   This mom simply needs her child to be a better, kinder, thinner, hipper, smarter, prettier, better educated, socially aware, fair minded  extension of herself.     Like she’s creating a benign golem with a heart of gold.

Sad really.   The truth is this kid, who’s  probably a  genuinely sweet little girl doesn’t want to save the world, she just wants to save enough money to buy a new bike.

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